Veterinarian Told Me

Front: The veterinarian told me I had to put down the cat.

Inside: So I went home and told the cat, "You're fat and you're stupid."

Back: This card was written by stand-up comic: Adam Gropman

I think society has an unfair bias against cats and cat owners. If a person has fifteen dogs, they're a "dog breeder" or a "hunter" but if a person has fifteen cats, they're a "hoarder" or "mentally ill." We have two cats, but they are both really fat, so together they equal fifteen cats. I've figured out that our cats have thirty-seven distinct meows, but twenty-nine of them mean "I'm hungry," six mean "scratch my ass," and two just mean "meow."